you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
