Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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