I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
