I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
