Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
