Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
