Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
