I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
