if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
