My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
