Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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