he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
