Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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