When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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