college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
