ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
where am i from again
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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