You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
and she was petting her beer can
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
