I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
