This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
