You really coming over, don't trick.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
