and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
