Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
