I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
