well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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