shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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