I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
