So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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