He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
