I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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