it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
