it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
