it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The best revenge is premature balding
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
