That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
