Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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