dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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