Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
