school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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