you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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