Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
