youre lurking in front of me
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
