There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
we're so committed to being not committed
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
