When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
