Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The Olympian is in my bed
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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