Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
