did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
