there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
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