Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
