I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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