I'd wear matching sweaters with you
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
