he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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