You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
